My Dream House

Over time, I’ve had a recurring and captivating dream which I will immerse myself in for as long as possible. While I’m always reluctant to awaken, it’s not unusual for me to effortlessly drift back to where I left off. My “beauty” sleep is essential as well as restorative, rejuvenating, therapeutic, enlightening and beneficial for my overall well-being.

This particular dream begins with my husband and me driving down Lake Shore Drive in Chicago along the tree-covered ravines and lush grounds of the north shore. In the midst of all the grand estates and overgrown vegetation, we spot a huge house in disrepair and apparently abandoned. The location is perfect, across from a beautiful park bordering Lake Michigan, where I spent much of my wild, fun loving, yet turbulent childhood. As deep memories flood to the surface of my consciousness, I’m intrigued and even more determined to continue our pursuit.

There’s no “for sale” sign in front of the house so we knock on the door. Since no one answers we attempt to peak through the scratched, opaque and dusty windows, becoming obsessed with finding out who owns the house and what its story is.

We receive the news we’ve been waiting for that the house is vacant and available so we enter into the mysterious entryway and expansive foyer. The winding staircase is breathtaking, leading to obscured areas above us with a grand ballroom adjacent to the entrance and hand crafted, parquet wood flooring, cathedral ceilings and custom molding throughout.

As I wander into different sections of the house wondering what will come next, I discover stairways leading to bedrooms, bathrooms, secret passageways and niches, all with quirky shapes and sizes. I come upon one of two kitchens tucked away in a secret section on the top floor and uncover lots of cool memorabilia, vintage glassware, dishes, kitchen appliances and various tchotchkes. The thought of going through so much stuff is daunting but also exciting as I sift through layers of undiscovered treasures. During this exhaustive process my creative juices really start to flow as I envision the renovation possibilities for our future home.

I descend into a surreal nightmare as I begin making irregular payments to someplace in question without an agreement of any sort. My anxiety is palpable and a running theme throughout, as I feel the weight of our responsibility with our rapidly depleting finances.

Because my dream repeats so often, I wonder what my subconscious wants me to know. Should I recognize and act more responsibly when golden opportunities are presented to me, focusing more on managing my fears? My takeaway is to eliminate or minimize my errors in judgement and remain grateful for what I’ve learned, where I am, not looking down or back.

A full life is a mysterious adventure and a long song with winding roads of beauty, excitement, joy, fear, grief, loss and a lifetime of sentiments. While I experience many of these feelings simultaneously, I have clarity that I’m moving forward on the right path, navigating my way through sad, frightening and chaotic times. I’ve learned to trust my intuition and depend on it to guide me though life’s challenges, uncomfortable situations and inevitable mistakes. It’s significant for me to remember that if I were to modify one tiny thing from my past then subsequently everything else would change.

I’m still finding my way, but as of now I know these things for certain. I’m a self-willed participant, a seasoned traveler, an inspired creator, an open book, a little late, right on time and a colorful, complicated, unconventional, enthusiastic, evolving masterpiece and a perfectly imperfect work of art in progress.